They were really bad but oh well.
1. Prompt: Come up with an explanation for something mysterious
or years and years this mysterious object in our lives managed to go by unknown. It feasts on the laws of our natural world and spits them back out. Not only that, it has managed to infiltrate into our daily lives. It has brain washed many poor souls to even consume it. How did it come into existence? Why is it still here? These are all throbbing questions that haunt this abstruse item – the non-dairy creamer.
The sketchy marketers behind this curious thing have marketed non-dairy creamers as a derivative of vegetable fats and milk protein. If these claims are true, why does it taste nothing like vegetables or milk? Its creation is a shrouded in mystery, its existence is covered up by lies. But I know the truth of it’s hideous existence.
On August 30th, 1997, PETA managed to infiltrate the British Parliament through force. They threatened the lives of every dairy farmer in the country for their mistreatment of their dairy cows. PETA was not satisfied with a few animal protection laws. No, they wanted blood. They demanded sacrifice for their mistreated bovine friends. Assassins working for PETA managed to kidnap Princess Diana from the parliament house. The animal rights organization wanted to use Diana as an example to the world. They would kill Diana to scare everyone into turning vegan.
PETA let Diana go the next day, she was even picked up by a personal friend. Little did she know, her friend was a member of PETA. She trusted him, but he was on a mission. On August 31th, 1997, her friend, Dodi Fayed, crashed full force onto a pole. The British government managed to cover up PETA’s message of fear through propaganda and lies. Diana’s life was wasted for nothing.
PETA was not happy with the covering up of their message. They stole and experimented on Diana’s body to create a new example. They managed to create the perfect comeback for the British people, the non-dairy creamer for their teas. PETA began mass marketing this product and it quickly became popular. To fuel the demand, PETA shipped off people from third world countries through promises of work and a better life. The disgustingly evil product made by PETA caught on internationally soon after. The organization began making a profit and covered up the true ingredients with lies and deceit.
2.Prompt: Turn to page 182 in your 364 page auto biography
It wasn’t easy, but I’ve managed to save the prime minister of Ecuador from the Marxist extremists that infiltrated his beach home in Maui. Through my specialization in Dolphin behaviors and studies, I managed to convince the neighboring porpoises to give us a ride to a small island nearby. We sought shelter there for a week. We started running out of food and water; we were forced to make a steep decision: starve or eat a leg. Pedro, the prime minister, attacked me out of desperation. It was a struggle to keep his appetite at bay, but I managed to subdue him. He was driven by madness and began eating his own leg.
The main islands of Hawaii were overrun by communist forces from Laos. There was no was no way we could go back to the main island without getting killed. It was a miracle in itself that we had not been detected already by the crazy Laotions.
Maggots appeared on his leg. They turned into flies a week later and Pedro formed a close attachment with his new insects. He was a proud mother of 57 flies.
Pedro began talking to a conch shell. He called it the magic conch and asked it for help and advice. According the Pedro, the magic conch directed him that there was food and water in the center of the island. He wouldn’t quit babbling about it so I finally lost it. I broke the conch, pedro cried all night, and I felt strangely satisfied. Four days have already passed, we were going to die from hunger and dehydration if this continued. I set out to find provisions the next day.
I found a pond in the center of the island along with a full course chicken dinner. Pedro’s magic conch was right. I hurried the chicken over to Pedro as soon as I found it. When I finally reached where he was staying, it was already too late. Pedro had begun eating his other leg. I shed a single tear because that was his good leg, that was the leg where he got his first tattoo, that was the leg he used to make his famous foot stomped guacamole. There was no point in saving Pedro any more; he was no longer of any use to anyone. He had only gotten elected because of his guacamole making skills.
3. You're given 10 dollars, what and with who would you do with it?
When I was little, I used to think I was rich when I managed to collect 10 dollars worth of change. I thought about everything I could buy and do with it. Of course, now I know that I can’t buy a house or my sister’s freedom with 10 dollars, but the possibilities I could do with 10 dollars are endless.
A lot of people don’t know this, but if you tear the 10 dollar bill in half, you get two 10 dollar bills. I’d keep tearing my bill till I had an infinite amount of funds at my disposal. Think about it, the ripped pieces are still 10 dollars bills, so they’ll have to let me spend it! I’d trade in my pieces for whole 10 dollar bills and rip them up even more. Rinse and repeat the process until I bankrupt America.
I’ll use the money to fund time travel research. I’ll use the technology to go back in time before Steve Erwin died. He’ll receive a proposal he couldn’t deny and will have to let me be in the crocodile hunter movie. I’ll have a leading role in the best movie ever made and will go down in history as the Crocodile Hunter’s quirky young side kick.
The things a boy can do with 10 dollars are truly astounding.
No I am not a schizophrenic, I promise
No comments:
Post a Comment