Different

I wish I wasn't so much different from the rest of my family.

I wish we didn't have different ideals and views.

I wish I was like the rest of them.

I'm not though, and it frustrates me to no end. I can not have a conversation with any of them without me being wrong. Nothing I ever think is right, nothing I ever do is right, my behavior is never right.

I wish I cared about being the best. I wish I had a plan. I wish I had my life set out. Well, I don't and I'll probably never. I wish I cared about achievement over happiness. I mean, being successful will make you happy right? I mean it'll make your family happy!

I feel bad for dad, he deserves a better son for all he does. He really does deserve someone better. I don't wish I had better parents, they've done too much for me and my mom paid the price for it too. I just wish I could think like them.

My sister said she wonders why I have so low self esteem. I didn't think I did, but since I don't care about being the best I must have it. It's probably from years of torment I received when I was little. I guess being made fun of at school and home probably didn't do the best for me.

 Wishing I was dead is too selfish and cruel to everyone. I wish I was never born. I mean, I don't like life that much anyways. Plus if I was never born, I would have never known about life in the first place. My sister would had been an only child or had a better sibling, my dad would have gone to a big church in orlando, my mom wouldn't be dead, and my dad would have never married my step mom and sumi would be in korea. I wouldn't have to face religion either. I don't want to live life to end up going to hell for all eternity. Man, what a horrible existence we live in. What if heaven and hell never existed? Morality would cease to exist and everything would be uncensored.