I miss Mom

Its been over two years now and I can't get over her. I miss her a lot and I wish she was here. I don't want my step mom, shes stupid. I want it to be me, her, dad, and chanyang again. I wish I had went with her to work, then this could have been avoided. Did I kill mom? I want to say no, but I could have avoided it. I hate myself and I miss her.

I don't want to forget her. I don't want to forget how she taught herself how to play the piano. How she would climb over mountains to go to church. How she fought with her mom about her religion. How she would sing to me that one hymn, I will never forget it. She had the most beautiful voice. When I was little, I was ashamed that she sang so loudly. As I grew older, I was proud. I was proud because she didn't sing louder, her voice was just on a different level from everyone else. She would be humble and sit at the back of the pews, yet her voice was something you could not miss.

I remember the day after mom died, it was a sunday. That sunday was the hardest day for me. It felt so odd not seeing her. If felt like she was right around the corner, holding the jubo and saying hi to people. When the service started, I couldn't look back. Because if I looked back, I would tear up because she wasn't sitting back there. I swear to God, I could hear her though. I could hear her singing from the back of the pews.