I’m a horrible person and I can never do anything right. Even when I try to do the right thing, its always wrong. Apparently monetary value always outweighs sentimental value. I don’t even know who I really am anymore. I feel like I’m just a fake person who adapts to the people around me so they’ll like me. I come off as a rude and arrogant person but its not intentional. I offend and hurt others when I’m joking because thats how people treated me ever since I was little. I know my problems and faults but I do nothing to fix them. What is wrong with me. I hate the things I’ve done and experienced, I hate the choices I’ve made, I hate the people that made me like this, I hate my personality, and I hate myself.

I was content with my life just a few weeks ago, what happened? Maybe moving will be a good thing. I can start over and try to be a good person. You know, the type of person you can admire for their modesty and selflessness. God thats so dumb, then I’ll end up creating just another fake persona. Its sad that I can say that none of my friends understand me or even try to. No one cares enough to wonder about what I’m going through or see things from my perspective. I know I’m being selfish but I genuinely care about my friends and I would like people to care about me too. No one was there for me when my mom died and I will probably never get over that.

I guess I just try too hard to make friends. I don’t want to be lonely and friendless like I was in middle school. I envy people who are friends with people they’ve known forever. I just want someone to talk to that would actually care. I’ve grown distant with all of my friends, or well, “friends”. I remember when I was too scared to call someone a friend, now I toss that word around too easily. why am I crying, I’m such a loser.